Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Randomize