I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
