so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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