I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
