Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
One girl and one boy is just not enough.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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