Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Randomize