Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Randomize