Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
