one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
