So drunk its hurt
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Randomize
