All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Randomize
