Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
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