I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
