I am puke
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
