it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Randomize
