good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
