i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
It's official drugs can't kill me
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
