You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
