If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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