the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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