i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
