I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
