I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
