My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
