its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
