my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
