Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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