fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
