Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
