I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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