If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
