so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
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