So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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