Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I think a kid would responsible me up
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Randomize
