I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
