Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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