i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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