dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Randomize
