he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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