He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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