just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
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