You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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