Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
