went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
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