Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I need to calm my uterus...
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
