you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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