I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
