I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
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