While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
