you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
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