You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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