69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
he just fucked me for my cheese.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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