And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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