WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Randomize
