Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
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