every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
