fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
I haven't been this sober since birth.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Randomize