I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
