You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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