Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
