In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
