Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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