Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
