I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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