i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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