I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
