this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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