Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize