he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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