Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Randomize
