I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
