Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
