Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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