sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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