I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize