he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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