we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
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